Musicians can sense when something in their music feels off, even if it's subtle. Outside of your musical experience, instead of ignoring that gut feeling, try shifting your perspective. Ask yourself: "What is the wider context of this awkward moment? Who else besides the obvious is connected to it, and how?" Look for patterns in the discord. It's rarely just random. Trust your intuition, for something deeper is likely to be causing the disturbance. Remember, musical and non-musical disruptions usually hold clues. It's your job to find them.
Pay Attention To Your Intuition
In work, if you sense from where the toxicity emanates then try to see the situation from that person's perspective as well. Most people have good intentions but if it’s coming from a different place then it may be someone who is genuinely manipulative. To ascertain if this is the case they will tend to play to a largely unconscious script. They often just don’t know they are. You however will start to see the pattern emanating from within the disturbance. In the apparent chaos you will find repetition, riffs on a theme, perhaps edgy moments just like that which appears in music. Once you see the pattern you can begin to find ways to respond. Understanding what is driving their behaviour, even if it doesn't justify it, can help you anticipate their actions and prepare your response.
Musicians Appear Calm Even When Triggered
Recognise what triggers your own fear and anger, and practise mindful responses instead of reacting impulsively. "Mastering Chaos" emphasises techniques like breathing exercises and grounding exercises to stay calm and present. Musicians use these techniques to handle their nerves. As with everything else, mindfulness exercises require practice and repetition. In exactly the same way as rehearsing music, don’t expect the results to materialise straight away.
Change The Music & Reframe the Narrative
See yourself as a gifted ‘performer’ not a passive victim. Shift your position in the ‘story’. You are someone who is able to take proactive steps to manage a challenging situation. This can shift your focus towards feelings of empowerment, not being blown around by the storm.
Maintain Routine and Practice
The key to musical skill is practice. Focus on maintaining a stable and healthy routine amidst the chaos. Regular exercise, creative pursuits, or mindfulness practices can anchor you and provide emotional resilience.
Connect with Supportive People
Through experience musicians know who genuinely supports them. A group of musicians cannot function under any other circumstances. Lean on your trusted friends, family, or support groups for emotional support and guidance. Sharing your anxieties can lighten the burden and offer different perspectives. You can test and validate your intuition with your support group.
Set Clear Boundaries
As far as possible keep in mind the centre of the “Musicians Way” model. This is where your values and those of your colleagues hold sway. The cause of the stress will be emanating from beyond the edges of the model. Communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently, both verbally and through your actions. This will help you remain grounded in your own values, holding to your place in the centre of the Musician’s Way avoiding engaging in conversations that might escalate the situation. You must also prioritise your safety above all else.
Document Everything
It’s a disturbing concept but toxic behaviour functions similarly to music in the sense that it’s repeatable. The person concerned doesn’t have a written script as we often do in music but it’s one that is well-learnt. Start your conscious script by writing down the behaviour as it occurs. It will help you see patterns in the behaviour and eventually help you to reframe the story towards one which you can confidently know is true. Keep detailed records of the person's appearances, your communication with him/her, and any threats or aggressive behaviour. This documentation is crucial evidence to support any reports to the authorities if this becomes necessary.
Seek Professional Help
Musically we don’t find any shame in asking for advice such as from a professional colleague or a teacher. Consider seeking professional help from a business coach or life-coach specialising in business team development. They can provide valuable tools and strategies for dealing with the situation in a healthy and effective way.
Advocate for Yourself
Let us hear your sound. Speak up. Remember that no-one will ever hear you if you don’t ‘play’. Don't hesitate to escalate the situation if you feel your safety is compromised. Report the behaviour to the relevant authorities if necessary. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and secure. Remember too, navigating a situation like this is a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself, prioritise your well-being, and seek support from professionals and trusted individuals. While "Mastering Chaos" offers valuable frameworks and techniques, it's important to tailor them to your specific situation and combine them with professional guidance as needed.
Toxic Behaviour Patterns
It's important to remember that there are many reasons why someone might behave erratically. The goal is to address the behaviour that is causing problems and ensure the organisation can function effectively.
You will not be in position to make a diagnosis of any kind. However if behaviours are journaled it may be possible to observe patterns which conform to the types below. Be objective and focus on actions and behaviours, not diagnosis.
Framing the issue around the employee's impact on the organisation's ability to function effectively is a useful approach. Are decisions being made irrationally? Is there a hostile work environment? Do you sense contradictions?
Consider a confidential review process which could involve mediation or a performance improvement plan. Seek legal guidance specialising in corporate governance. They can advise on legal options and best practices.
Below are behaviours that might be observed in possibly toxic situations. A single behaviour on its own isn't sufficient. Charm for example, can be a very encouraging personal characteristic. It's the pattern of behaviours and their overall effect on the organisation which should trigger concerns. Your sense of intuition will likely be the first indication. It's worth paying attention to this but then gather evidence to ascertain the reality of your initial suspicions. Given the nature of these personality types, collaboration is impeded although on the surface you may somewhat confusingly experience the appearance of what can seem like cooperation.
As always, consider your safety as a matter of priority. Equally in your role as a team leader, correcting this kind of toxicity is not your responsibility.
People who have developed toxic behaviour patterns are hidden in plain sight. On face value they are hard to distinguish from the rest of humanity. In terms of “The Musician’s Way” they disguise themselves easily within the behaviour patterns of the central grounded space. Con artists and fraudsters appear just like the rest of us. How else would they gain so much credibility with us?
Notice the three types below all have the ability to charm. By being charming they can convince people to do things which are in their best interests, not ours. They are amazing in that they can take a fact with some truth in it and ‘take it for a walk’, place a different context around it, and by doing so create an utterly different meaning.
There will always be some ‘giveaways’ thankfully. Sustaining lies is hard to do consistently. Behaviours such as those below will have unintended consequences. The skill in detection is in noticing subtle contradictions, kinesthetic disturbances which are subtly felt and the need to make note of these patterns. Unfortunately in the complexity of life, these are signs which we often ignore.
Machiavellian behaviours:
Masterful charm: They can be incredibly charismatic and persuasive, using their charm to gain trust and manipulate others.
Deception as a tool: They may use subtle deceptions, like half-truths or veiled threats, to achieve their goals.
Expertise in reading people: They are skilled at understanding people's motivations and weaknesses, which they then exploit to their advantage.
Narcissistic behaviours:
Charm Offensive: They can be incredibly charismatic and engaging, making it hard to see through the facade.
Grandiose Sense of Self: They view themselves as superior and deserving of special treatment, which can manifest in subtle bragging or a constant need to be right.
Credit Hogging: They'll subtly downplay the contributions of others while taking full credit for successes.
Divide and Conquer: They may pit team members against each other to maintain control and deflect blame.
Passive-Aggressive Criticism: They might couch criticism in compliments or backhanded remarks, leaving you confused and unsure.
Psychopathic behaviours:
Superficial Charm & Charisma: They can be incredibly likeable and magnetic, making it hard to see through the facade.
Ruthless Decision-Making: They lack empathy and guilt, allowing them to make cold, calculated choices that benefit them but harm others.
Masters of Manipulation: They're adept at twisting situations and people to their advantage, often leaving you questioning your own perceptions.
Lack of Remorse: They rarely apologise or take responsibility for mistakes, often deflecting blame or using empty apologies.
Violence: They may resort to violent acts if they believe they can get away with it.
Lead With Values
You may find yourself interacting in some way or other with one of the above. In these circumstances I have found that employing a standard negotiation model (the Harvard Negotiation Model) can be effective. The Harvard Negotiation model starts with what it refers to as “Positions” and “Interests”. Positions are the headline ‘asks’ by each party. It’s what they say they want. Below each party’s Position statement lie their Interests. Uncovering Interests is the next part of the negotiation process and it is through this that it normally becomes possible to reach agreement. You will find that you are likely with toxic individuals to uncover the suspicion of a value set which is incompatible with yours. Not only your own values, I should add, but those of any other reasonable person. In fact if you have an agreed set of team values then this person will stand out from the rest. At the very least you will sense an ‘attitude’ problem.
The values you uphold are non-negotiable. So let the Superpowers reinforce the reality of your values. We normally assume common values until behaviours by the other party indicate otherwise so be alert to this possibility. If you discover or suspect a weakness in values in the other party then agreement to change is unlikely.
Changing an individual’s attitude is not your responsibility. As a leader however, managing organisational health is a priority because an unhealthy culture affects trust, motivation and productivity. Letting go of a toxic individual sends the right messages to the rest of the team but failure to consider this aspect is very disconcerting for them.
Remember, it's important to prioritise your own mental health and well-being. Also don't be afraid to leave a toxic work environment if necessary. It may be your best option.
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